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Running your own business is invigorating.
But there are many competing demands on your time and the challenge
is to juggle these while making time for yourself and ensuring
you stay healthy.
Stress Management 101
Recent research shows that women entrepreneurs are one of the hardest working groups in Canada's economy, putting in 20% longer hours in a day than any other group. "Many women entrepreneurs get up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. in order to squeeze everything into their day," says professional lifestyle coach Susan Wright of Wright Momentum (info@wrightmomentum.com). "And often, at the busiest, most intense times of our lives, we throw away all we know about eating right and exercising."
Here are some simple tips from Susan on how to manage your stress:
- When under extreme stress, stop and take a breath. It's a simple tool, but the most effective.
- Don't lose focus on "self" – honour and respect yourself. Take time for yourself every day, even if only for a half hour. "Make an appointment with yourself."
- Multi-tasking can be counter–productive - rethink what you are doing. Prioritize what's most important to you and choose a maximum of three things.
- Know your own values. Make wise choices and evaluate to see if they're the right choices.
- Listen to what you need, not what society and a stimulating environment tell you that you should have or do.
- Acknowledge your situation and recognize your patterns - e.g. Are you an overachiever?
- Are you a joiner? Choose your affiliations wisely and avoid overextending yourself.
- Get attuned to your body. Physical exercise can be an energy booster but also a drainer if that's not what you need emotionally. Know when enough is enough.
- Try to free up some time. We tend to over schedule our lives, leaving no time for spontaneity.
Preparing a Will*
Estate planning and will preparation can be a daunting - and easy to avoid - task. But if you die without a valid Will, explains Nancy Toran Harbin, Attorney, Entrepreneur and Broadcaster, (ntoran@rogers.com), the government dictates where your assets go, according to a prescribed allocation.
"People sometimes feel that preparing a will is an omen," she says. "But there are actually a number of very good reasons to have a Will." Here are a few:
- It gives you a time-lined opportunity to organize and plan your financial affairs.
- It makes things easier for your family.
- Depending on your assets and personal situation, a carefully constructed Will and estate plan can save you thousands, even hundreds of thousands of dollars, in taxes.
- It allows for a smoother estate administration and minimizes delays in settling the estate.
- It allows you to make specific planning decisions. For example, if you have a spendthrift spouse or adult child, you can build a trust into your will. Trusts can also be built in to protect "special needs" family members, minor children, and children from a previous marriage.
- The process provides an opportunity to reflect on your goals, including charitable giving and business succession planning.
Here are some tips from Nancy on what you should consider when preparing a Will:
- Plan your Will in conjunction with your financial advisor.
- Do not use a Will kit - it's not in your best interest.
- Select a lawyer who specializes in Wills and estates.
- When creating trusts for your children, assign someone to take care of their finances in the Will.
- Mitigate the risk of any family member contesting your Will by stipulating in the Will a "reasonable portion".
- Review your will every two to three years and whenever there is a major change in your life circumstances, such as a new child, divorce, or if you move to a new province. Please note that your marriage will invalidate any existing will unless that will was made in anticipation of the marriage.
- Choose your executor carefully. It should be someone who is both trustworthy and financially astute. Also, ensure that they are aware of the appointment and that they agree to be your executor.
Finally, where should you store your will? Nancy suggests that you give the original, signed copy to your lawyer (only sign one copy - never two). Leave an unsigned copy at home in a location that's easy for you to find - and tell your executor where it is.
In addition to preparing a will, it is very important to have Powers of Attorney in place - both for your personal care (eg. for specifics like your long-term care facility choices) and financial affairs - in case you become incapacitated. Always be sure that the individual you select as your Power of Attorney agrees to be your Power of Attorney before naming her/him in the document.
* Note: This article is for general educational purposes only and is not intended as legal or tax advice. RBC and Nancy Toran Harbin are not liable for actions taken using this information. You are advised to seek legal and tax advice when making any decisions regarding Wills, Estates, Trusts and Powers of Attorney.
Choosing a Financial Advisor
Since women live longer than men, planning your financial future is one of the most important things to do for yourself. And if you don't have a good financial advisor to assist you, there are a myriad of choices and a long list of financial resources available to help you make those critical decisions, including financial planners, investment advisors, stockbrokers, commodity brokers, mutual funds salespeople, insurance agents, and more. Be aware that some who call themselves financial planners are really just commissioned salespeople who want to sell you financial products. Insist on proper accreditation. Here are some guidelines to help you make the choice that's best for you and understand what you should expect from a financial advisor.
What to Look For
Find someone who:
- Is experienced and trustworthy
- Has a professional designation
- Is a good fit, sharing your philosophy of investments and money and understanding your risk tolerance
- Fully assesses both your current financial situation and future goals
- Explains investment recommendations clearly
- Gives you advice over a broad range of financial solutions
- Provides access or referrals to specialized financial services or products you may need related to estate, retirement and tax planning
- Is willing to work with other advisors you have, such as your accountant and banker.
- Clearly explains how he/she is compensated
- Can provide proof of performance
What to Expect from a Financial Advisor
- Clarification of your present situation. As a first step, a financial advisor should review your assets and liabilities and any relevant financial data (tax returns, records of securities transactions, insurance policies, wills, pension plans, etc).
- Discussion of your financial and personal values and attitudes. This will help determine your financial and personal goals and objectives.
- Identification of potential barriers. The advisor should analyze any current financial problems that may create obstacles to achieving your goals.
- Custom-tailored strategy. Expect options designed to meet your unique needs, including pros and cons.
- Strategy implementation. Look for assistance in putting the strategy decided on into practice. When necessary, your advisor should work with your other professionals (tax experts, lawyers, accountants, etc.) who may be required from time to time.
- Periodic reviews. Insist on regular communication and periodic reviews of your progress and, if necessary, revisions to make sure your plan stays on track toward achieving your goals.
For more on how to find and deal with a financial advisor, go to www.rbcfinancialplanning.com. Visit www.rbcroyalbank.com/sme/women/meet_champion.html
#championprofiles for insights from RBC Investment Advisor Alice Bastedo.
We all Need Vacations: Get the Most out of Yours
Like most entrepreneurs, you probably juggle so many roles that planning for and taking some much-needed time off can cause you additional stress. But, remember, it's not a badge of honour to forfeit vacations. As a busy business owner, you need - and deserve - downtime to revitalize.
In our information-intensive world, coming back from vacation to an in-box chockfull of unanswered e-mails and a desk covered with messages and paperwork can ramp up those stress levels. We asked Canada's work-life balance expert, Nora Spinks, President of Work-Life Harmony Enterprises (e-mail: nspinks@worklifeharmony.ca), to share her insights on how to best use your vacation to refresh and rejuvenate and how to ensure a smooth re-entry when you return.
Step 1: PLAN a vacation/break - and hold firm to the commitment to yourself.
- As an entrepreneur, mid-week to mid-week is often better than Monday to Friday.
- Even if you are taking a two-week vacation, start on a Wednesday week one, then return on a Wednesday two weeks later.
- Never book meeting the day before a vacation (think of yourself as already on your way…)
- Don't wait until the last minute (you deserve your most efficient self-management to minimize pre-vacation stress).
- Never come back to work after you have said 'Good-bye, I am going on vacation.' It sends the wrong message to your staff (either you are not a good manager, planner, organizer, or you don't trust them to do their work while you are away.)
Step 2: Decompress.
- When you leave work, start the mental and emotional transition. Turn off your brain and let go.
- Plan a transition activity - at both ends of your vacation - to ensure a smooth re-entry following a break. For example, before leaving, get a facial, message, pedicure, day at a spa; it can make a one- week vacation feel like two.
- DO NOT TAKE WORK WITH YOU - you will either not do it and feel guilty, or do it and feel cheated or guilty, or both.
Step 3: Relax, rest, rejuvenate (unplug, disconnect, log off, tune out- turn off).
- Refrain from checking in, signing in, etc.
- Trust your people to reach you if necessary. Leave a sealed envelope with your contact information, with instructions to contact in case of emergency. They will feel safe and secure, but respect your need for time away.
- Model balance behaviours.
Step 4: Plan your reentry.
- Arrive home one day before you get back to work - give your self time to rev-up, triage your voicemail, e-mail, etc.
- Give yourself an extra day - on your voicemail and e-mail auto reply message, tell people you will be back the day after you actually return to work - i.e. if you return on Wednesday, tell the outside world you will be back Thursday.
- Avoid meetings, especially out of the office meetings, on the day you return.
Achieving Work-Life Balance
Nora Spinks, Canada's leading spokesperson on work-life issues and President of Work-Life Harmony Enterprises (e-mail: nspinks@worklifeharmony.ca and Web site: worklifeharmony.ca), has spent the last 15 years helping organizations create supportive work environments, strengthen families and build healthy communities. She is an expert at managing workplace flexibility and harmonizing work and personal responsibilities. Here, she offers her advice on how to achieve work-life balance.
Based on four criteria, a well-balanced work-life is:
- Self-defined and self-centered
- Dynamic and vibrant
- Achievable and sustainable - and you can't do it alone
- Internal (emotional, intellectual, spiritual) and external (social, logistical,
professional)
There are five pillars to work-life and well-being. The stronger each is, the
easier it is to achieve a sense of balance:
- Public Policies & Legislative Framework. i.e. maternity leave benefits
and job protections.
- Community Programs & Services. i.e. child care and eldercare programs
and services.
- Supportive Organizational Culture i.e flexible work arrangements and alternative
career options
- Supportive Work Environment i.e. supervisors and co-workers that recognize
and respect your life outside of work.
- Personal Circle of Support i.e. immediate and extended family, friends,
neighbours and mentors.
Women's personal networks are actually shrinking dramatically as women spend
more time at work. Where once a woman's personal circle of support may have
included up to six individuals, it has shrunk to only two. Women need to compensate
for this in order to achieve a more balanced life.
The work-life continuum has five distinct stages:
- Work-Life Struggle: You are just getting through the day/project and are
unaware of things dropped, misplaced or left behind.
- Work-Life Juggle: You look to your circle of support for guidance, help
and coping techniques. These tips tend to work when you have only a few balls
in the air, but if other thing gets thrown into your field of vision, you
are easily tripped up.
- Work-Life Balance: You have learned how to effectively say "no"
and live your life guilt free. You have resources and back-up plans, but you
may still feel "What's about me and my happiness, my future?"
- Work-Life Integration: From day-to-day to long-term planning - the external
sides of your life (logistics and responsibilities) are well integrated and
you are beginning to focus more internally (long term happiness, spirituality,
contentment) , which leads to …..
- Work-Life Harmony: You orchestrate your life by drawing your own piece
of "music." You feel whole, in control, and calm on a daily basis
and have clarity about the future.
Figuring out what stage you are at along the above continuum is the first step
in working towards a well-balanced life, but don't stop there! You must also:
- Define success for yourself: Decide what success looks like to you;
is it having a particular job or title, having a particular amount of money
invested, owning a particular item, having a particular feeling, being thought
of or remembered by others in a particular way or making a certain type of
contribution in your community - then develop and execute a plan for success.
- Make your list of The 25 Things I Want To Accomplish In My Lifetime.
Don't know where to start? Make a date with yourself or a close friend to
invest some time in your future by thinking back to your youth and remembering
what made you most happy, reconnect with your dreams, and imagine yourself
in the future. Start making your Life Time TO DO List The ideas are sure to
start flowing. Be specific and personal. Have a date attached to the plan,
and tell people about it to encourage their support. E.g. All through my
adolescence, I read Greek mythology, I loved the history and the imagery.
By October, I'd like to take a boat tour of the Greek Islands and
explore the ancient temples around Athens Greece with my Best Friend.
- Re-discover and replace what you have E·R·A·S·E·D·
from your life. Which of these are you missing?
- Enjoyment/Life Satisfaction
- Relationships
- Attitude/Perspective
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Diet
- Take control. Control the things you can control so you can effectively
manage the things you can't control. Master things in your control like your
attitude, how you spend your time, and how you take care of yourself. Let
go of things not within your control like other peoples' expectations.
- Take time to reflect. Clarity of vision requires quiet. Allow time
for your brain to "defrag" and create free space. You won't feel
a sense of balance and harmony if you don't have a sense of vision and time
to reflect upon it. Be clear about what you want, who you are and what you
expect. Once you have set your goals, you must regularly reflect. Put yourself
in the centre of your universe to remind yourself that you deserve to come
first - which can sometimes be difficult for women. Think about being on an
airplane and how you must always put your own oxygen mask on first before
helping those travelling with you that are depending on you...
How to Have a Debt-Free Holiday Season
Here are some suggestions to help you enjoy holiday seasons without being overwhelmed by debt. As Glenis Shanks of Fresh Start Money Management & Debt Counselling Services Ltd. (tel: 780- 951-0885, e-mail: gshanks@shaw.ca) explains - planning is the key. Below are some of her insightful tips:
Financial Planning:
- Estimate holiday expenses by filling in our Christmas Planning Worksheet
- Your spending should match your available cash, not your available credit.
- If estimated expenses are more than the cash you have on hand, brainstorm how you can increase income and decrease living expenses between now and the holiday season. Also reduce the expenses on your worksheet.
- Start to save for next holiday season in January, using the Christmas Planning Worksheet as your guide. Monthly savings must fit into your family budget. Advantages of monthly savings include accessibility to purchase gifts throughout the year, your money will earn interest, and you avoid costly debt.
Gift Planning:
- To reduce gift costs, talk with family and friends about drawing names, setting dollar limits or giving to charity in lieu of exchanging adult gifts. This may be hard to do, but others are probably relieved you brought up the subject.
- Let older children and partners know how much money you have for gifts and that you will not go into debt. Let them make gift suggestions to fit your holiday season budget. (Keep a little extra money for surprises and stocking stuffers.)
- Rather than wander aimlessly in crowded stores for gift ideas, look on the Internet, in catalogues, flyers and magazines.
- Brainstorm gifts that suit each person's interests and needs.
- From your list of gifts to be purchased, see if you can group them (movies, books, music, gift certificates) and one-stop shop.
- Think of gifts that have no or little dollar value as they are often the best kind. Examples include a Christmas ornament or home-made gift, cleaning someone's home, decorating, baking, hosting a children's sleepover, burning CD's of oldies music, providing manicures or preparing family photo albums on the computer.
- Chits for lunch, a movie or ice cream in the few months after Christmas will spread out your costs and give people something to look forward to in the spring.
- Avoid last minute shopping, as you will surely "blow your budget".
Reducing Entertainment Costs:
- Have a pot luck or progressive supper or afternoon Open House.
- Do not serve liquor.
- Have a simple brunch for guests on Boxing Day rather than an expensive Christmas dinner.
Holiday Survival Techniques
Touted as a time of joy, feasts and celebrating with friends and family, the holiday season is often a time when many struggle with diets and stress. Here, two experts share advice on maintaining a balanced diet when faced with all the savoury temptations of the season and on managing expectations to reduce holiday stress.
Frances Berkoff, Dietitian, (tel: 416-515-0011, e-mail: fberkoff@sympatico.ca), provides these nutritional strategies for the holiday season:
- Keep things in perspective. December is not one long big meal. Of the total 90 meals you can potentially have in December, probably only about 10 will be party or event celebrations.
- Don't diet. Stay off the scale and just maintain your weight.
- Eat in awareness. At a cocktail party, pick and choose nibblies with lower calories, but at the family holiday dinner, eat the things you love.
- Try to relax and exercise a bit every day.
- Pass the chocolates. Take one you like and share the rest.
- Don't arrive at events hungry. Eat little snacks during the day so you're not ravenous by dinner time.
- Be the designated driver; alcohol stimulates appetite.
- Stand away from the treats. Don't tempt yourself.
- When you're the hostess, send doggie bags home with guests so you don't nibble on the leftovers.
- Eat healthy and well on the days you're not partying.
- The secret is moderation, balance and enjoyment.
Here's what Diane Savage, Director of Social Work at Mount Sinai Hospital, suggests for coping with holiday stress:
- The perfect holiday is a myth. There is a disconnect between reality and what is promoted in stores and on television, so avoid getting caught up in the hype.
- Family arguments are a tradition! If you argue during the year, you'll surely argue more during the holidays, so be a little more generous in celebrating accomplishments.
- If you've lost a loved one recently, try to talk about it and plan what you want-and don't want - to do during the holiday season. Allow yourself the freedom to change your mind, and don't put others' needs in front of your own.
- And remember, the experts say that unrealistic expectations are the major cause of stress over the holidays. Try to prioritize, delegate, simplify traditions and look for opportunities to add meaning.
Excerpted from "Surviving the Holidays" - part of the Mount Sinai Healthy Living Series - presented in Toronto on November 20, 2002. To register for these free lectures, call 416-586-4800 or register online at www.mtsinai.on.ca/healthyliving
Ten Steps to Managing Your Time
Woman entrepreneur Barbara May juggles her life as President of The Corporate Support Group Inc. and E Compu Wear Inc. (www.csg-now.com, www.canadarebates.info, http://ewear.promocan.com) - one of Canada's Top 100 Women-Owned Businesses from 1999 to 2001 - and as a mother of four children. Balancing her time between these two different worlds, she also manages to coach hockey and lacrosse, and is an active member of many national women's organizations. Her valuable advice on time management can help you have more of it yourself.
1. Prioritize
Start thinking of your time as a "return on investment." Don't spend time on a project or task that has no impact on your bottom line or on future business. Schedule tasks, considering the investment of both time and resources, and the due dates.
- Decide on what you need to delegate and what you need to do yourself.
- Save some fun tasks as a motivator and as a mental or physical break in between the tougher ones.
2. Delegate to qualified people
It seems almost impossible to get a vacation if you are an entrepreneur. My best three options are:
- Go out of the country, so no one can call you and vice versa (although you may worry the whole time).
- Work through your vacation time and return un-rested and in need of another holiday.
- ***Best advice*** Delegate the responsibility to your office Champions, people whom you trust to manage and handle a crisis for you.
Everyone needs a vacation, and you need to have an authorized and qualified back up. Bon voyage!
3. Share work with friends
If you're unable to hire a gardener, housekeeper and a personal shopper, one of the best solutions I have found is "sharing". My friends and I share the kids' sports travel (car pool), baby-sit for each other, and even get together for mom-child meals. It also works well to get a quiet night with your hubby, as long as you're willing to have one night with a house full of visiting children staying over with you at other times!
4. Use time-saving technology
If your life has evolved past the classic day-timer, then keep all your business appointments, sports schedules and to-do lists on a Personal Digital Assistant (Palm, IPAQ etc). There are a number on the market with many different features.
5. Outsource
If you're working with a smaller-than-ever budget, staff reductions and limited time, consider outsourcing programs. You will find they are a cost-effective way of doing more with fewer staff members. Having an outside partner, who is able to provide the core competencies you require, is a smart and efficient way of handling business.
6. Empower others to share in the workload
Empower others to make decisions-slowly.
- Coach them at the beginning.
- Support them as they learn what they are doing.
- Empower and trust them to make the right decisions once they have mastered the ropes. If they can't handle steps one and two... replace them, because you'll end up taking care of a larger problem, or doing the job yourself later on.
- Give praise and recognition. Everyone wants to be recognized and feel that someone appreciates his or her time, energy and dedication.
7. Create an open-door policy
Having an open-door policy not only makes you more approachable, but eases communication between you and your staff. I like my staff to feel that they can approach me about anything, business or personal. The different perspective you gain on your business - and knowing what's going on with your staff sooner rather than later - helps in the decision-making process regarding what tasks need to be prioritized, delegated or outsourced to move business forward. It also helps to maintain a positive and supportive relationship with your staff.
8. Multi-task
Multi-tasking will help you accomplish more in the same amount of time. Have that pedicure while your hi-lites are setting! Combine an unpleasant task (folding laundry), while doing a pleasant one (watching the news). Accomplishments help you not only be productive and tick off the list items, but also become a personal reward incentive. At the end of the day, focus on your accomplishments and not on what you failed to achieve. This will help keep you motivated and less stressed.
9. Get a good night's sleep
A proper amount of sleep is just as important as the right diet and exercise as part of healthy living. Talk to your children and husband about all that needs to be done as a "family". This not only includes work, but the household requirements, hockey, lacrosse, homework, meals and personal time. Each should understand what needs to get done, and who can support by assisting in making it happen.
10. Invest in "me" time
Personal time is an "investment" - so invest it as you choose. One of my hobbies includes gardening, which is both relaxing and fun. My friends and I like to exchange plants (to help on the cost factor), and it's a great way to keep in touch with your friends who share the same interests! And if you have time to read only one book, or watch one movie, here is my personal recommendation: Eddie and the Cruisers - this movie is a classic!
Balancing Work and Life
Practical strategies to help women better manage the increasing demands of work and family.
As women, we often take care of everyone's needs but our own and can feel overwhelmed by the constant stress of juggling our daily lives. The result is privacy deprivation and health problems. Having a vision and a goal and the ability to stay focused and positive - even when adversity strikes - are key success factors to managing the demands of work and family.
Here are tips to help you take control of your life:
- Go outside your comfort zone a bit. Sometimes the things you fear most are the things you must tackle because they will give you energy.
- Listen to your inner voice and trust it. It tells you what to do to take care of yourself - for example, to leave a relationship or work situation that is not right for you.
- Avoid guilt creators. If you feel guilty, it means you are probably doing something right - i.e. taking care of yourself first for a change.
- Simplify and focus. Cut the bottom 30% of activities that no longer bring value.
- Learn to say no to some opportunities. You can have it all, but not all at once.
- Tap into your winning habits when adversity hits. Be clear about what's wrong and then put boundaries around it, rather than dwelling on it.
- Avoid ' negaholics' as well as getting negative on yourself. Tell yourself 'Don't go there.'
- Be a mentor by encouraging people in your life and listening. Even champion athletes have crises of confidence. It's a battle we all face.
- Take responsibility for your own needs and then negotiate for them. Do not assume that people who know you know what you want.
- Don't put your own interests last in a relationship. Not speaking up for yourself because you're afraid of jeopardizing the relationship is damaging to your self-worth and self-esteem.
- Always have your own independent source of income. Money is the central balance of power in any relationship.
Compiled from speakers at The Company of Women Conference, sponsored by Metroland, held September 15, 2000 in Toronto. Speakers included Dr. Janet Lapp, author of 'Dancing with Tigers', Olympic rower and gold medalist Silken Laumann, Sheila Heen, owner of Difficult Conversations Inc., and Dr. Ann Webster, Scientist and Cinical Corporate Trainer at the Mind/Body Medical Institute, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Centre, and an instructor in medicine at Harvard Medical School.
Tips for Self-Nurturing
Tried and true ways to put yourself first.
Putting yourself first is an acquired skill. Dr. Ann Webster, Scientist and a Clinical Corporate Trainer at the Mind/Body Medical Institute, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Centre, and an Instructor in Medicine at Harvard Medical School, recommends practising the art of self-nurture. She offers these 50 suggestions:
- Learn to say no. Saying 'no' is really saying 'yes' to yourself.
- Treat yourself to new and good things (a walk, a chocolate bar, or call an old friend).
- Stop trying to fix and micromanage others.
- Leave work early.
- Wear comfortable clothing and shoes.
- "Hire" help - e.g. a bookkeeper.
- Cancel out sometimes to catch a breath.
- Give yourself praise or positive strokes.
- Regress - eat with your hands, blow bubbles.
- Develop a wide variety of resources for gratification in life - family, friends, travel.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions and ask for help.
- Join a book club, an amateur sports team, whatever.
- Volunteer.
- Turn off your computer, cell phone, TV, alarm clock, beeper.
- Have a day of dedicated silence - no communicating for 24 hours.
- Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments so you can show up with grace and dignity.
- Avoid drinking coffee all day.
- Don't watch the 11 p.m. news.
- Practise being patient. Create patience practice periods, such as while waiting in line, rather than being agitated.
- Keep a journal, which is a great therapy tool
- Don't try to be perfect.
- Resist the urge to judge and criticize because we do not all see or do things in same way.
- Take a risk. Not taking risks is the biggest risk of all. We are so lucky in this generation where it is easy to change careers.
- Create your absolute "yes" list - be clear about your priorities and get on the path.
- Avoid "stress carriers" - they dump on you.
- Avoid "negaholics".
- Try to find humour in bad situations.
- When stressed out, ask yourself if this will really make a difference in a week.
- Nurture your soul - create a sacred space.
Use the Good Dishes - Finding Joy in Everyday Life
Author and stress management expert Dr. Elaine Dembe provides eight easy steps to increase your happiness.
Many of us delay our enjoyment of life. We tell ourselves that contentment will be ours when our mortgages are paid off or when we retire. In her book ,Use the Good Dishes - Finding Joy in Everyday Life (Macmillan Canada, 2000), Dr. Elaine Dembe (Tel: 416-960-5353; e-mail: elaine@elainedembe.com) explains how we can stop putting off our experience of happiness. The book's title resonates with many people, she says, reminding us that it is life's small joys multiplied that bring us satisfaction. As we exhaust ourselves pursuing our long-term goals, we tend to forget those ordinary things that bring happiness each day.
Here are Elaine's eight steps to finding joy in our daily lives and 'using the good dishes':
- Adapt. Most joyful people adapt to new circumstances. Accept what is. Don't resent the aging process or despair over relationships that change.
- Being. Don't sleepwalk through life. Live in the moment. Your Joy Zone is in the present - value life and enjoy today.
- Unburden. Rid yourself of physical, emotional and spiritual baggage. Discard regrets. Ask yourself if you have people in your life who are toxic to your energy. Make decisions based on what will enhance or diminish your enjoyment of life.
- Remember and honour family traditions. They provide continuity, harmony and a sense of direction. Start a memory book of the things that make you smile.
- Play. Be joyful and laugh often. Give yourself the luxury to do something silly. And be sure to remain open to surprise.
- Explore. Colour outside the lines of life. Have the courage to take risks and make changes rather than postponing your dreams by waiting for one day soon when you have more time or money or whatever. Tackle what's on your 'To Do' list.
- Give joy to others. Nurture those close to you by listening or giving flowers. Don't wait for big occasions to tell people you really care.
- Celebrate your life story, good or bad. Acknowledge all the roller coasters you've been through and search for the meaning or purpose in the disappointments. Think about synchronous things in life that happen to you.
Remember, the good dishes are everywhere - in consoling a friend, in laughter, in nature. Also, bear in mind that joy is not contingent on anything. Try not to look for reasons to be happy because those reasons can be taken away. Be happy for no reason at all.
Escaping the Superwoman Trap
Southmedic Inc.'s Lee McDonald shares work-life balance wisdom.
Lee McDonald admits it, right up front.
"I was Superwoman. I just didn't look or feel like superwoman."
President of Southmedic Inc., a medical
device manufacturer doing business in 45 countries. Supportive
wife, involved mother of three, keeper of a beautiful home,
hostess with the mostess. Etc., etc., etc. "I was flying around
doing everything, being everything to everybody," Lee says.
"But, my moment of truth came after attending a three-week
business development course. I stopped and thought and realized
that when I stripped all of these roles away, I didn't know
who I was. There was this big void. I just knew I couldn't
… and didn't want to … keep doing it all. I had to make some
choices."
Many women tend to pick out the best
of everyone else's life and think "I can have all of those
things," Lee adds. We exhaust ourselves trying to get them.
Instead, we have to stop, smell the roses and realize that
no one woman really does have it all. And neither can we.
Setting our own priorities - without wistful hankerings for
Julia Roberts' looks, Melinda Gates' bank account or home
décor spreads in glossy, lifestyle magazines - is the best
way to find some time for ourselves and a great deal of contentment
with our lives.
Her priorities were spending more time
with her husband and children, and a little more time on herself,
especially to exercise. She found it. How?
- By re-prioritizing:
Instead of comparing your life against other people's, figure
out what's most important to you. Then, do the math. If
you want more time for family or yourself and your daytimer
is chocked full every day, something has to go.
- By delegating more:
Yes, your business is "your baby" too. You brought it into
the world and helped it grow. But, like sending a child
off to school, there's a time to let others take over certain
responsibilities and tasks. (Entertain the possibility that
they might even do some things better!) As your business
grows, you need to delegate more.
- By recognizing what stresses
you can manage: One big trick to managing stress
in your life is to realize you do have a choice when it
comes to eliminating some stressors (an unreliable supplier
or a client that's just not worth the time or money it takes
to keep him), while accepting that there isn't much you
can do about others (your child's illness).
For more of Lee's suggestions for balancing
your work and personal life, see Champions,
Summer 2000.
Financial Fitness for Couples
Financial counsellor Glenis Shanks' solutions
for common money problems à deux.
Couples bring different things to a
relationship: values, habits, attitudes, deprived or lavish
childhoods and different perceptions of "needs" versus "wants."
These differences result in very different attitudes and behaviours
when it comes to earning, spending and investing money, observes financial counselor
Glenis Shanks of Edmonton, Alberta (Tel: 780-951-0885; e-mail: gshanks@shaw.ca).
In her financial counselling work, Glenis
sees common troubles shared by many different couples. These
include a lack of shared financial goals and a formal household
budget, mishandling of money by one partner, overspending
on credit by one or both partners, the lack of a personal
allowance for each partner and borrowing from (or lending
to) family members. So, it shouldn't be surprising that financial
difficulty is one of the top contributors to marital break-up,
according to several studies.
Glenis offers these tips to help female
entrepreneurs reduce the chance of running into money conflicts
with your partner:
1. Set common financial goals.
2. Keep spending records and complete
a budget together, then track where money is spent on an ongoing
basis to provide an informed basis for future budgeting and
decision-making.
3. Discuss major purchases and investments
well in advance.
4. Ensure each partner has a personal
spending allowance separate from the household budget. And
remember your partner shouldn't have to justify what he spends
his allowance on to you.
5. Divide responsibilities for paying
regular bills and other expenses to ensure that one partner
isn't bearing the entire financial-management burden.
12 Fast Financial Planning Tips for Women
Financial expert Joanne Thomas Yaccato shares
top wealth-creation tips.
It's never too late to start financial planning.
Women's financial expert and author Joanne Thomas Yaccato,
President of the Thomas Yaccato Group (Tel: 416-367-3677; e-mail:
joanne@tyg.ca)
shares these top dozen tips for creating personal wealth:
- Get organized and think about your
goals, both short and long term. Where do you want to be in
five years? Twenty years? Make some notes about your goals.
- Start educating yourself about financial
planning now. Read books, attend seminars, and surf the Internet.
- Once you have a basic level of self-education
(enough to ask questions and understand some of the answers),
look for a financial advisor.
- Maximize your RRSP even if you have
to borrow money to do it. Make weekly or monthly contributions
to make budgeting easier. Don't count on the government's
ability to fund your retirement.
- Make sure you own sufficient disability
insurance to take care of yourself, should you become ill
or seriously injured. Life insurance is important too but
it looks after others, not you.
- Treat your savings as an expense.
The first "bill" you pay each month should be to yourself,
before even the mortgage, rent or your kid's orthodontist.
Try to take 10% after tax every paycheque. If you don't think
you can afford it, track your spending to identify the "black
holes" - where you fritter dollars away without even realizing
it - and start saving there.
- Build a financial "pyramid". The
base should be safe and risk free to provide adequate dollars
in case of emergency, disability or death. Investments can
be more risky (with potentially higher returns) as you move
towards the top.
- Get savvy about credit. Understand
how credit works and the different forms available to use
- and abuse. And be honest with your creditors when you're
in trouble.
- Keep an adequate emergency fund.
It can buy you time for making important decisions that could
affect the rest of your life. It can also buy you freedom
if your marriage, relationship or business partnership fails.
- Draft a will. Start by putting together
a list of all of your assets in order to determine a fair
distribution to your loved ones.
- Develop patience and perseverance.
The road to financial success is often uphill.
- Share the message about the need
to take financial responsibility for yourself with your daughters
and nieces.
Protecting Your Assets
Part 1: Estate Planning Pitfalls and Solutions
Common estate-planning
problems and solutions.
If you think wills and estate planning
are just for the wealthy or that, as a woman with a spouse,
you don't need a will, think again. Such common misconceptions
can leave your hard-earned assets open to unnecessary taxes
or prevent your wishes from being carried out upon your death.
And if you're among the 50% of Canadians
who have made wills, congratulations! But has yours been professionally
reviewed in the past three years? Dying with an outdated,
poorly crafted will also risks needless taxation, legal challenges,
and family strife while the estate is being settled and even
beyond.
Here are typical problems that can arise with poor estate planning and strategies to avoid them:
Pitfall
You die young and your spouse remarries. His new spouse could
inherit all your assets and the children from your marriage
with him could end up with nothing
Solution
Rather than leaving your assets to your spouse outright, create
a spousal trust. This allows your spouse to receive an income
from your assets during his lifetime. Upon his death, the
capital will go to your children.
Pitfall
You neglect to prepare a will and, upon your death, your assets
are distributed according to a government formula.
Solution
Prepare a well-drafted will. This ensures accommodation for
any special needs and guarantees your assets will be distributed
in exactly the amounts and the fashion you want, and to who
you want.
Pitfall
You appoint your friend as your executor and, upon your death,
he/she faces severe criticism from family members excluded
from your will.
Solution
Pick your executor wisely. The role is an onerous one, not
an honour, and it's best suited to a trustworthy individual
- ideally a professional - who has time and expertise.
Pitfall
Your estate is subject to high probate fees.
Solution
Reduce your exposure to high fees through simple, careful
planning now. Some strategies include setting up joint assets
or accounts with your spouse, designating beneficiaries to
your insurance policy and RRSPs, and considering living trusts
and planned giving during your lifetime.
Protecting Your Assets
Part 2: The ABC's of Estate Planning
Estate planning considerations can be
complex but there are professionals who can help (see www.rbcinvestments.com/ts/index.html). And if you follow
these three basic steps, you'll be well prepared:
A. Prepare an inventory of your assets
and liabilities. Assets include things like RRSPs, life
insurance, personal property (cars, jewellery, furniture,
fine art), real estate, investments, and business interests.
Your liabilities include such things as mortgages, investment-related
debts and other personal obligations.
B. Identify your estate planning
objectives. Itemize the things you want to achieve, such
as maximizing estate proceeds for your beneficiaries, and
list what you want to avoid, such as family strife or loss
of control of family assets, such as your business.
C. Prepare your will. A will
ensures your wishes are carried out with minimum expense and
delay. Otherwise, your assets will be distributed according
to a government formula.
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