Financial Infidelity: Recognizing and Addressing

Imagine this scenario: Yasmin and John have been married for five years. Yasmin has always believed they share everything—until one day, while sorting through the mail, she discovers a credit card statement for purchases she knows nothing about. Confused, she approaches John for an explanation.

Confronted, John admits he’s been hiding debt, fearing Yasmin’s reaction. This revelation shakes the foundation of their relationship, leaving Yasmin feeling betrayed, frustrated, and uncertain about the partnership she thought they had.

Unfortunately, stories like Yasmin and John’s are all too common. Financial infidelity, when one partner hides financial actions from the other, is a widespread issue. It can be as minor as secretly stashing away money in a “just-in-case” account or as serious as racking up undisclosed debt. According to FP Canada and Credit Canada, 36% of Canadians admit to keeping financial secrets from their partner. Even more alarming, Canadian law and wealth management firms report that approximately 68% of Canadians cite financial issues as a leading cause of divorce.

What is financial infidelity?

To understand why financial infidelity is so concerning, it’s essential to define it. Financial infidelity occurs when a partner engages in financial behaviours they believe their significant other would disapprove of and intentionally fails to disclose them. This secrecy can create both economic hardship and emotional wounds, similar to other forms of betrayal.

Common examples include:

• Secret accounts or credit cards: Opening financial accounts without informing a partner

• Hidden debt: Accumulating debt in secret

• Lying about income or expenses: Misrepresenting earnings or spending habits

• Undiscussed large purchases: Making significant purchases without discussion or mutual consent

• Gambling or addiction-related spending: Concealing spending that may indicate deeper behavioural issues

Financial secrecy in relationships isn’t a new phenomenon, but as gender roles and financial independence have shifted over time, so have the ways financial infidelity manifests.

Previously, financial control in a relationship often rested with one partner, making secrecy harder to detect. Today, with dual-income households and digital banking, opening secret accounts or hiding transactions is easier than ever.

Cultural factors also play a role. In some families, discussing money is considered taboo, making financial dishonesty more possible. By understanding these influences, couples can take a more proactive approach to building an economic partnership based on openness and trust.

Warning signs of financial infidelity

No matter your relationship status, paying attention to financial red flags can help prevent secrecy from escalating. Signs of financial infidelity may include:

• Defensiveness or avoidance of money conversations: A partner appears unusually reluctant to discuss finances.

• Missing statements or financial documents: Important financial records that were previously accessible are suddenly unavailable.

• Password changes: A partner changes banking passwords without explanation.

• Unexplained expenses or cash withdrawals: Transactions don’t align with known spending habits.

• Changes in spending patterns: A partner shifts how they spend money.

• Calls from unknown creditors: A partner receives calls about debts or accounts they were unaware of.

The impact on relationships

Financial infidelity can have profound effects beyond monetary concerns. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and financial deception can erode that trust, leading to emotional and financial strain.

Couples experiencing financial infidelity often face the following:

• Emotional distress – Feelings of betrayal, resentment, and insecurity

• Financial instability – Unmanaged debt, damaged credit scores, or disrupted financial goals

• Long-term relationship challenges – If left unaddressed, financial infidelity can lead to ongoing conflict, separation, or even divorce

Financial disagreements are among Canada’s leading causes of relationship stress and breakups, highlighting the need for open, honest communication.

How to address financial infidelity

It takes courage, compassion, and commitment to address financial infidelity, but couples can successfully work through it. Here’s how:

• Prepare for the conversation – Choose a calm, distraction-free time to talk. Focus on understanding rather than blaming.

• Have an open dialogue – Express how the secrecy made you feel rather than attacking your partner’s actions.

• Practice active listening – Share your concerns, then listen to your partner’s perspective without interruption.

• Establish transparency going forward – Agree on full disclosure of financial matters, and set clear expectations. While minor personal purchases may not need discussion, more considerable expenses might require mutual agreement.

• Seek professional guidance – Consider working with a financial advisor or relationship counsellor if the conversation is difficult. If you need financial clarity, speaking with an RBC financial advisor can help you build a plan together.

Prevention strategies: building financial intimacy

Prevent financial infidelity altogether by building a stronger financial relationship:

• Schedule “money dates” – Set aside regular time (weekly or monthly) to review finances together in a relaxed, nonjudgmental setting. A coffee date or a walk around your neighbourhood can help create a comfortable space for money talks.

• Balance financial independence and trust – Some couples prefer joint accounts for household expenses and maintain individual spending accounts with agreed-upon limits. Finding the right balance fosters both trust and independence.

• Set shared financial goals – Whether you’re saving for a home, a vacation, or retirement, aligning on financial goals strengthens your sense of partnership. An RBC financial advisor can help you develop a strategy to reach those goals together.

• Learn about finances as a team – Take advantage of educational resources, financial literacy workshops, and expert guidance to improve your financial knowledge as a couple.

Rebuilding trust after financial infidelity doesn’t happen overnight. It often requires patience, accountability, and a commitment to change. Over time, as both partners demonstrate honesty and consistency, trust can be rebuilt, paving the way for a healthier and more secure financial future.

At RBC, we understand the importance of financial harmony in relationships. Whether you’re rebuilding trust after financial infidelity or setting financial goals, our financial advisors are here to help. Contact us today to learn how we can support your financial journey, together.